I'm a big fan of marriage. I must be -- I've done it three times.

But seriously, folks ...

An article from The Californian that addresses the potential for kids to lose out on positive male role models when divorce divides a family and gives suggestions on how to help build a child's self-esteme under difficult circumstances ... like when Mom can no longer stand the sight or thought of Dad, but Junior needs to grow up hearing good things about his 'old man" ... set me to looking around for info.

(Not for me! We're solid as a rock here, thank you! As Mark is fond of pointing out, it's not that he's my third husband, but that he's my LAST.)

There's very little that's uncomplicated about divorce, and when kids are involved layers are added to the bitter baklava. The fallout can leave a crumby mess. Add a drizzle of adoption, or a desire to adopt in the future, and the whole thing starts looking like all that's ahead is the trash heap.

The truth of the matter? That t'aint necessarily so.

As discussed in the Adoption.org feature, "Adoption and Divorce: Facts and Fantasy", a divorce in your past does not disqualify you from adopting, nor can it retroactively impact completed adoptions.

There are some countries that require adoptive parents not have been divorced, so international adoption options may be more limited. Most countries, however, accept remarriage, and some even divorced singles.

If hoping to adopt privately, it will be the perceptions of birth parents that will decide whether or not a divorce in your past will feature into the decision to match with you. Since few now see any great stigma in a marriage that didn't work, odds are that a divorce in your personal history will not make too negative an impression.

Although status as a foster family will most likely be affected by such a drastic change in the family structure, finalized adoptions are no more subject to the fallout from a divorce than are bio children.

Since divorce rates have always been highest among young, recently married couples, old married folks like us .... assuming broadly that if you're reading the Older Parent Blog it's because you're somewhere near my age ... are less likely to end up fighting over the album collection that our younger counterparts (who may be asking, "What's an album"). That, and the fact that adoption has shined its powerful and unavoidable headlights on every aspect of our home life and relationship with our spouse, prompting deep thought and consideration of so many aspects of our partnership that there's little that is likely to sneak in and upset us enough to throw in the towel.

If you should, however, find yourself in a position of contemplating a break up, Divorce Support may provide some information, and Adoption.org has some tips, too.