Foster parenting for older parents

Disclaimer: As I wrote this post I realized I’m mostly talking about older waiting children who’ve been in the system a while. Most younger children won’t come with these issues.

Last night in our CORE training class, there was only one other couple who looked to be ‘older’, maybe in their forties.

The night before, I was talking to a woman who wanted to do respite foster care, and she is seventy three, but I think the classes scared her off and she didn’t come back last night.

It’s a shame as I think older parents can definitely bring something to foster children that younger parents might not be able to.

Aa our trainer said:

• Foster child swearing at you? Let it go.

• Foster child smoking? Send him outside.

• Foster child running away? Report it to the police.

• Foster child won’t stay in school? Report him.

And do your best to parent, but don’t get worked up.

He kept saying over and over again, have fun with parenting, and don’t sweat the small things.

Now to you and me, skipping school or smoking might not be a small thing, but in the overall scheme of what some of these children have been through, smoking is just a stress relief and swearing gives them some control.

Skipping school? Lets just hope they get a GED.

Sound extreme? Yes.

Of course some children go onto college and many lead very productive lives. I know this is sterotyping, but the trainer just wants us to be prepared for worst case senarios.

The point wasn’t to give up on the children, but to pick your battles and try to have fun so the kids will relax and trust you in time.

These children sometimes come with baggage that turns out to not be quite so romantic or satisfying as you may have initially thought.

You gotta give it time.

I know successful foster parents who the minute a child hits the door they are part of the chores, routine, and structure of the home. They don’t change a thing – but it takes time for the child to adjust – maybe a day – maybe a month or more. The parents are successful though because they pull the kids into an already existing structure and expect the children to blend into it eventually.

I can tell you that fostering is extremely rewarding – even if the kids have some challenges.

So, if you are older, consider being a foster parent.

They need you.

And as the trainer said:

You never know you’ll get into your heart and then you’ll adopt.

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.