I'm occasionally inspired to think back over mothers I have known when looking for clues as to how to do this job. Since as far as I've been able to find, there is no handbook confirmed to be THE resource of all things "mom", examples of what I consider to have been exemplary parenting are pretty much all there is available to me. Well, those and the opposite, of course.

I do have books ... don't get me wrong. I have lots of books. And the Internet with all the information there. But nothing explains like experience, and watching parenting in action, for the good and for the bad, is great for learning.

In a previous life my work was helping heroin addicts learn to live in the world without a monkey on their back, so bad parenting on parade was a feature of just about every day. From the client who got his first fix from his mom at age eight, to the pampered society girl who sold her parents' valuables for drug money, answers to a parental wail of "Where did we go wrong?" were easy to come by.

An aunt of mine was another not to emulate, as she insisted on putting my cousin, my male cousin, in pink dresses and trying to pass him off as a girl for the first few years of his life.

Yes, examples of rotten parenting are all around, and the results can end up being problematic for all of us.

Finding positive models isn't tough, though ... just look at the people you admire and learn about their childhood. Truth being stranger than fiction, the backgrounds of many of these wonderful contributors to the world can be surprising, and encouraging.

Or watch the way parents interact with kids you like ... funny, interesting, kind and polite kids you enjoy being around. Huge differences in mothering styles exist, and a robust mom who climbs trees and sings at the top of her lungs while driving the kids to school may not fit the same parenting profile as a shy, soft-voiced baker-of-cookies, both can have great kids.

And if you really want to get a different take on offspring, looking outside the species can be fun and helpful. Some of the best moms I know sleep in trees and are covered in hair.

More about this tomorrow ...