A story that popped up in the course of today's research about grandmothers raising children ended up taking me all over the place in a search for information.

According to the report, one in twelve American kids is in the care of a grandparent, usually a grandmother. That is a huge number of grandmothers taking on the parental role all over again.

The US Census Bureau puts the figure at around 2.5 million grandparents presently filling the parent gap, and unlike most of us geezer adopters the situation often arises without of great longing or long planning, but raw necessity. Drug use, death and prison can be causes for grandchildren ending up with few options, and grandparents stepping up can mean the difference between stability and the revolving door that may be foster care.

Statistically, the demographic breaks down like this:

• 43.6% of Caucasian children (1.7 million) live in grandparent-headed households.
•
• 35.9% of African-American children (1.4 million) live in grandparent-headed households.
•
• 18% of Hispanic children (701,000) live in grandparent-headed households.

Of course, grandparents have always raised their children's children. In cultures where extended families live in multi-generational units the grandmothers are often the ones caring for kids while parents work outside the village or travel away from home for months at a time to earn enough income to see the family through the rest of the year.

Successive generations under one roof was common until fairly recently in developed countries, as well, but the cultural shift has been away from these layers of ages in familial abodes for a while now.

Boomerang children are making a comeback ... yeah, I know -- I made a funny ... and bringing their kids with them as it gets harder to make their own way in the world, and that puts pressure on the oldest generation in the house to make room and put food on the table.

Even more difficult, however, may be the scenario where older people suddenly and unexpectedly must shoulder the entire responsibility for young children, especially if the kids are coming to them as a result of some sort of tragedy.

As a publication from Colorado State University for grandparents states:

Many of children in these families are angry with their parents, confused by their absence, and divided in their loyalties. Children may not be afraid that showing affection to their grandparents in front of their parents, or showing affection to their parents in front of their grandparents will hurt the other adults.

Because of emotional frailties of these children, grandparents often have mixed feelings about how to discipline them. They may feel that the children are already having a difficult and painful time dealing with the absence of their parents and that discipline will only make the children feel more lonely and punished. These grandparents may become overprotective of their grandchildren. At the other extreme, some grandparents set overly rigid boundaries for these children.

Is it any wonder many grandparents begin the process with more than a little ambivalence? Perhaps even some resentment?

The degrees of resentment or acceptance they experience is closely related to whether or not they have a choice in the matter. Raquelle, a 47-year-old grandmother was awakened at 3 A.M. by a knock on her front door. When she opened the door she found her two-month old grandson on the front steps, neatly wrapped and sleeping in a small basket. Her drug-addicted daughter had left her baby there. "I had to take the baby in," Raquelle said. "My daughter was back on the street, and there was no one else to care for her. I don’t like it but what alternative do I have? I am not giving my grandchild over to strangers to raise."

Thankfully, there is support available. Here, for example is a list of support groups in New York State that also has loads of info for grandparent caregivers. And this is a link to the National Respite Locator Service that can help the overwhelmed regroup.

For the cost of shipping and handling, you can order any or all of four guides addressing many issues grandparents face when taking on the care of their grandchildren put out by the Children's Defense Fund.

• The Grandparent’s and Other Relative Caregiver’s Guide to Child Care and Early Education Programs

• The Grandparent’s and Other Relative Caregiver’s Guide to Food and Nutrition Programs for Children

• The Grandparent’s and Other Relative Caregiver’s Guide to Health Insurance for Children

• The Grandparent’s and Other Relative Caregiver’s Guide to Raising Children with Disabilities

These can be ordered by emailing: childwelfare@childrensdefense.org

There will be more information on grandparents raising their grandchildren in the next post.