So I was on an interesting alternative sort of discussion board for adoptive parents the other day and a post jumped out at me.

An adult child was upset because her mom, in her late fifties, and her father, even older, were adopting a newborn out of foster care. The adult child was upset, because in her words, the parents were pretty terrible as parents, and also way to old to start again.


The adult child made it clear she (or he?) didn’t want the parents to take the newborn in permanantly. I don't know if it was ok as a foster child.

I had lots of questions.

What made them ‘bad parents’? Have they learned from mistakes, and were they just mistakes that everyone makes? Or worse? If they are such awful parents does their social worker know? Are we taking abuse? If so, call DHS and report them. If not, cut them some slack. We all make mistakes. Talk to your parents, give them ideas to raise this child differently.

If they were fostering, did they expect to adopt an infant or is this coming about as a surprise. The infant may be bonded with them. How long have they had the infant? Is anyone trying to reconcile with birth family or have all rights been terminated.

And my main question. These parents do sound old to be adopting an infant IF they do not have a support system in place. Does this adult child have siblings? Are any of them in line to take the child if something happens to the parents? Do these parents have a plan?

Of course all of us, at any age, should have a plan in place for our children should something happen to us. Many of us are luckily enough to have extended family who would happily take our children. What if we don’t?

What if, like this adult child, there is not an extended family willing?

Of course, it goes without saying that this ‘older couple’ could live forty more years and with the stride medicine is taking it could be a high quality of life. Realistically, maybe they will only live another twenty years.

That is true for any of us.

I find this an interesting question. Should these parents take their bio-children into account? Should the bio-children care since they are up and out of the house?

Is age an issue here?

Things to think about.