Not that there's any warranty I know of that states without equivocation that under a certain age there will be no unpleasant surprises in the health department invading our individual realms, but even I have to admit that the likelihood does tend to increase as the years pass and we put more miles behind us.

Given that and the fact that adoptions these days are taking longer and longer to complete in many cases, it can happen that the rubber meets the road when older parents are waiting ... and waiting, and waiting some more ... to get to the point where the child that is to be their child moves from a fanciful dream inspiring loads of paperwork to the flesh-and-blood-in-the-arms family member.

When time passes between home study and referral or match, it can happen that the picture developed at the beginning of the process changes, and sometimes those changes might result in the potential adoptive parents no longer being considered potential.

This subject came up recently on one of the groups I frequent, and the ensuing discussion took some turns that made me very uncomfortable and inspired an entire post ... two actually ... on the topic.

A hopeful couple well into the process of a first adoption, a longed-for, dreamt-of adoption, learned that the dad in the deal has cancer ... prognosis, diagnosis, any 'nosis', I don't know (sis) ... but the wife pushed over the domino that asked, "Should we go ahead with our adoption?"

So clear was the answer to this in my head that I didn't even bother to chime in ...

UNTIL ...

Responses starting coming in that suggested they keep their mouths shut and proceed as if nothing new was happening in their lives, that this new turn of events was 'private', that since the home study was complete they'd done their bit for honesty, and that they should keep the information to themselves.

Continued in the next post.