If like my darling husband, Mark, your fondest desire is to make certain your newly adopted child will still be sharing your bed ... co-sleeping, as it's called ... right up to and beyond the time he starts shaving, here are a few pointers on how to keep your little one out of his own bed and sleeping sideways in yours.

Some of these tips may not apply if children come to you at older ages, but if like us your kids are home as small babies, you'll have the perfect opportunity to condition them to spending each night popping you in the nose with elbows while flopping around like recently-landed mackerel and making sure you go years without a good night's sleep.

First, it's very important that you make your sleeping area as comfy-cozy as possible ... so cozy, in fact, that you fall asleep every time you cuddle your little wonder on the bed, which should always be the place you head instead of the couch or other piece of furniture when cuddle time comes.

Second, do not hesitate for more than the briefest of moments to rescue your baby from the cold cruel world that is his crib. The slightest peep should have you running to sweep him into your arms and hesitant to replace him. After all, would YOU want to sleep in what basically amounts to a barred cage when the wide-open expanse of the parental bed has those three inches between mom and dad going hardly used every nights?

Third, make a point of developing a dependence on something that can easily move beyond the reach of your infant ... a pacifier or bottle will do. Once the habit is in place, your baby will demand your attention fifty or sixty times each night, thereby making it SO much easier to have him in your bed, rather than in the next room where you've been having to drag yourself repeatedly to replace the object of dependence.

Fourth, as your child gets older, continue reinforcing the co-sleeping by harping on endlessly to your exhausted spouse about how much you will miss this cozy, cuddly time. Throwing in a few lines about what a big deal that will be for you will encourage the child to put the day off as long as possible.

If you follow these steps, I guarantee you will have your child in bed with you for many, many years, and that when you do decide the time has come for you and your spouse to sleep alone together again, you'll have quite the fight on your hands.

Should you follow our example, when your second child comes home you'll let your wife dictate exactly how putting a kid to bed works, therefore ending up with one child happily in dreamland in the specially done-up bedroom, while the older one continues to lovingly loosen your kidneys with his feet.