You know people say that grandparents are so different from the way they were as parents? I didn't get to experience that with my own mother, but I can definitely say it was true for my father. I don't know how true it is for my father-in-law and my mother-in-law. I am sure there are some things about their grandparenting style that differs significantly from their parenting style when my husband and his brother were growing up.

When you hear people talk about the phenomenon of the grandparent shift it seems to make total sense. You know. The whole older, wiser thing. Understanding what is important and what is not. But, somehow it seems to me that this shift hasn't happened for me with age. I wonder if it's more of a personality thing?

I am old enough to be a grandmother. I have nieces and nephews and the children of friends who could technically be my grandchildren. But, I have not made the grandma shift. I am still in uber-mother role. Raising and disciplining and supporting and nurturing and intruding and, and, and. I have fun and kick back with my kids. But, my mind is always on alert for stuff.

What kind of stuff? Well, you know. Just stuff. Stuff that needs to be addressed. Stuff that needs to be discussed. Stuff that needs to be revisited. Stuff that needs to be learned, again, for what seems to be the first time.

It's not that I feel like I am missing important moments, important exchanges, important intimate encounters with my children. I know that those things are happening and I relish and savor them. But, when I watch my children with their grandparents, and when I watch other children with their grandparents, it seems to me that there is no question that the relationship is qualitatively different. Maybe, it's the age thing, but I find myself yearning for that kind of exchange with my own children. I try to approximate it, and I think I do a darn good job. But a grandmother's love is just, well, different.

Now that's an older parent dilemma that we've touched on here on the Older Parent Blog before. For those of us who don't have adult children, we wonder if we will live to see our grandchildren. I certainly hope that I will become a grandma. I'm going to do all I can on my end, healthwise, to make that happen. But only time will tell.