Confusion seems to be a perpetual state for me this week, and although I'm not really comfortable carrying so many conflicting thoughts around with me all at the same time, I figure it is a good sign that I'm staying flexible and open minded. Given my age and obstinacy it would be an easy thing to slip into a mindset like a pair of cement overshoes and reject out of hand any thoughts that don't dovetail conveniently with what is already well entrenched, so letting rampant thoughts ramble for a while before trying to round them up for a long look is good exercise.

Of course, in the adoption world there are divergent opinions on every front and it is important for all of us to frequently challenge our prevailing POV, checking all the time that our information is updated and correct and that we haven't slid into habits of intentional ignorance or built ourselves any teflon-coated walls that repel all incoming info before we have a chance to give it at least a thought or two.

Blog reading is a good practice for keeping the mind open and functioning, but unless the element of challenge is involved in the choice of blogs read the results can be little more than everyone preaching to the choir. I'm not talking "challenge" in the 'to-a-duel' sense, but as in stretching the thought process beyond the comfy zone and working around the edges in an attempt to see if there's a way a fit might be achieved even with things that might feel completely out of scale or proportion or too abrasive to assimilate.

I won't deny that there are some days that see me doing the computer version of slamming the door in a bloggers face as I groan in frustration at yet another bout of intransigence or the intentional passing along of misinformation designed to warp an already distorted picture.

Sometimes, a second or third look reveals a case of nothing more sinister than a point of reference so sharply focused through such a small aperture that the rest of the picture is out of the frame, but reachable nonetheless. Perhaps the blogger assumes that others will take up their corners of the mantle, so addresses only parts of the issue.

Occasionally, a mountain of tripe will yield a nugget of valuable insight. There are blogs I read regularly that run basically the same litany day after day ... the adoptive parent hair shirt, immobilizing birth mother regret, adoptee resentment, divine mandate, whatever ... but do provide the isolated golden thought that shines a ray of bright light into a corner not before incorporated into consciousness. It's these moments that make the plowing through worth all the time and energy 'challenging' blogs can sap.

Of course, the simple fact that someone has a blog and writes there often does not bestow worth. Some are nothing more than a one-note song that will never expand anyone's horizons. Others are tools ... the blogger and the blog. Some have the mistaken idea that an ability to type is the same as a talent to write. None too few assume that because rules of grammar escape them, others don't notice, either.

There are those with more minatory intent, unfortunately, that use blogs as tentacles of propaganda or platforms from which to hawk themselves and their wares in hopes of promoting self-hype that might advance an agenda while garnering a few bucks in the process ... buy a poorly written book and a cheap t-shirt while you join the cause. Although these sites should be monitored, regular reading isn't necessary, or advised.

Others, though, those written by people as passionate about adoption as I am and honest in their representations of that passion ... and especially those who come to the table from paths different from the one that brought me here ... make me uncomfortable enough to keep me limber and lithe, and as long as this old brain of mine can stay flexible it will continue to be useful.