While some put energy into worrying about transracial relationships, others are happy to jump not only species, but clear out of the phyla, "Chordata" and go all the way (not literally, I hope) with a mollusk.

Yep, love in my garden is a shell game, with Sam's Giant Aldabra Tortoise, Helmut, and the unnamed snail who appears to have developed a strong attachment.

Helmut and Sam are the same age, four, as it's a tradition here for a child to be gifted a one-year-old tortoise on their first birthday. They will grow old together, but the stats would have it that Helmut will outlive Sam by a hundred years or more. He'll also get to be the size of half a Volkswagon, but will never be fast enough for reliable transport.

The snail won't live as long, but in snail terms is every bit as impressive. The Giant African Land Snail can live up to ten years and carry a shell that can be up to 11 inches long. The average here is about 6 inches which, to give an idea of scale, is the size of Helmut's bouldou (Creole for 'sweetheart'.) I call them all 'escargot on the hoof', but haven't been able to bring myself to dip any in garlic butter.

Suffice it to say that we go through some vegetable matter here ... that snail is not alone by any means, so gardening must be combined with hunting.

After living for a while with Sam's grandma, however, our tortoise has developed a fondness for cheese sandwiches and oatmeal. He's also fond of chicken, which I understand tastes a lot like snail.

I doubt he shares with his friend. After all, snails are hermaphrodites ...