Continued from the previous post, where we've been wondering if and how adoption impacts marriage, or vice versa.

Although it often falls to the hopeful mom to climb the Kilimanjaro of paperwork and whittle it down to a manageable pile with handy x's in all appropriate places, there's no saving the hubby some time-consuming and downright uncomfortable dealings as the process of adoption becomes more of a project than a pastime. Home study visits, physical checks, fingerprinting dates and much, much more add up in hours and energy ... not to mention the ever-increasing anxiety that will build no matter what sort of adoption the family is working toward.

All of this puts pressure on the family, and on the marriage that may be at the center of that family. The fact that a certain amount of tandem navel-contemplating is built into the process encourages open discussion along the way, so bumps on the road tend to shake loose more than would normally be rattling around, and this may add to the pressures already pushing at the corners.

The goal being a child underlines the headline that points out that everyone is in this for the long haul, so casual acquiescence makes no sense. Only deep and careful consent can start this journey off on any foot, much less the right one.

So, are so many adoptive couples successful in their marriages because they've been through this process and strengthened the relationship as they went along, or are the strong relationships and successful marriages the reason adoption was an option for the family in the first place?

I would be interested to see divorce statistics broken down to compare the figures between adoptive couples and those who have never adopted. I'm not saying divorce doesn't happen in adoptive families ... that is certainly not the case ... but I can't help but wonder if adoption might not be an indicator of the likelihood of marital longevity.

I can find lots of stats on marriage and divorce ... the numbers are stunning, and not in a gee-that's-so-pretty way ... but nothing yet that looks at divorce rates in adoptive families.

Given what I read here on the blogs, though, I am thinking that there's something about husbands and wives in adoptive families that's pretty special, and very nice.



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