Continued from the previous post where we've been looking at how new circumstances arising during the adoption process should be dealt with, and how some might encourage hopeful adoptive parents to keep information about serious illness to themselves. As I was just about to say ...

Excuse me? All that advice sounded not only shaky, but despicable to me, and I wasted no time before lambasting those who'd offered it up and suggesting strongly that the adoption professionals involved in this couples' process be informed immediately, and that anything less would be unethical to the extreme.

So, in case this comes up with anyone reading, let me mince no words ...

Adoption is not a game where pulling the wool over someone's eyes is an acceptable part of play, and "winning" means ending up with a child as a prize.

The truth is that adoption sits in a much bigger picture, and whether casual advice is encouraging or not, whether or not it might be good for a husband's health to have a child around ... whatever ... all steps toward adoption MUST include complete honesty on the part of the potential adoptive parents.

Imagine a future scenario when a surviving parent would have to explain to a child the fact that they in essence lied to complete the adoption, and that they knew at the outset that one parent had been diagnosed with cancer, but opted not to share that information even though sharing such was very obviously required by the process.

What is this sense of entitlement that suggests people have a right to a child, no matter what? Adoption is a privilege that must be earned, and one way parents earn it is by being completely honest.

It may feel right to cluck sympathetically and come over all supportive for someone with whom we can closely empathize, and that may be our first inclination. After all, were it us suffering through such devastating news and looking at crushing disappointment, who wouldn't want to hear words of encouragement?

The truth is, however, that inspiring someone toward dishonesty leaves a bigger footprint than just that left behind one family dealing with bad news.

Any unethical practice damages the institution of adoption and puts all children at risk of having the option of a family taken away. It is up to all of us to assure that the rest of us follow the rules and insist on ethical practices. Encouraging or condoning lies, partial truths, or any other deceitful attempts is wrong.

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