I've come across some reports lately that address the daunting issue aging women face every morning, and continually through our days, weeks, months and years: the effects of time, gravity and other toxic substances on our poor old selves.

No, none of it is new or news, but even the most geezerish of us can provide fresh perspective from time to time, and it never hurts to gaze in someone else's mirror for a minute or two.

Way back in April of 2006, I wrote a post on giving up the ghost-of-hair-color-past and going gray. Now the the former executive vice president and creative director of Nickelodeon/Nick at Nite and co-founder of Spy magazine, Anne Kreamer, has written a whole book about the process called, "Going Gray: What I learned about Beauty, Sex, Work, Motherhood, Authenticity, and Everything Else That Really Matters".

She explored the notion of whether the way she was treated by others would change as her hair changed, conducting her own study among friends, colleagues and strangers. She also set out to discover whether she would experience discrimination in a workplace. And would her gray hair repel men’s ideal of female attractiveness?

So, a happily married, extremely successful career woman, mother, etc., finds enough in giving up the hair dye and going natural with the creeping gray to fill an entire volume.

Wow.

Which brings me to this: Joyce McFadden's blog on the Huff Post titled, "How Women Undermine Themselves and Their Girls".

What is with us?

A true story ...

Once upon a time, a grown woman somewhere near the 40-year mark was having a particularly tough time with many aspects of her life. Her husband-du-jour tended to philander, her career was stuck in an unchallenging and not terribly profitable rut and her lovely children had recently abandoned the nest for further fields.

A weekend visit from her mother was eagerly anticipated and dreaded in equal measure, but commenced pleasantly enough. During the course of the first evening, the mother and daughter enjoyed some alone-time over a lovely dinner, during which the topic of present lives presented.

At one point, trying to convey roots of feelings of inadequacy, the daughter mentioned to the mother that one issue she had always struggled with was a negative self image.

"In my whole life, I've never felt pretty."

She had no idea what sort of response she would get from this statement, and in fact said it without anticipation of any response at all.

What she got was this:

"Don't be silly! There have been plenty of times in your life when you've taken the time to fix yourself up that you looked pretty."

A quick drive to Best Friend's house followed dinner, and an offer from BF to immediately conduct a drive-by slapping upon mother was heavily considered.

Is there a moral to this story?

Well, it has to be assumed that the mother in the story had most likely never felt thin enough or tall enough or busty enough or doe-eyed enough ... or whatever enough ... for her whole life, too, as this generational undermining goes back a long, long way.

How women feel about their bodies physically, sexually and with regard to age, expresses itself on a continuum from mild to severe, from casual self-deprecating comments like "I hate my hair," to the devastation of eating disorders. How we see ourselves in our own bodies, and how we see the physicality of women and girls around us precludes the fuller appreciation of who we are.

The article lists three thought-provoking examples of how self-loathing is taught. Give it a read and a think.

It really is time we stopped passing this along. It hurts.



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