In the course of my now weekly massage, fodder for this geezer blog drifted to the edges of my consciousness as my friend J worked her muscle-moving magic on my old, tense self.

Funny, really, since J has only been giving me the treatment for the past month or so and we've been friends for years, but not until today did I realize I should be writing about her.

J is in her early 50s and hails from Switzerland, but lives in Seychelles most of the year and has done so since only a couple of months after Mark and I moved back to make this island our permanent home in 1996. Over the years, she has melted into the community about as well as any foreigner ever can and has a number of very close friends.

Through these friends, she has seen how difficult life is for many Seychellois, how tough it can be just to keep a roof overhead and food on the table. Being a kind and wonderful woman, she lends a hand where she can.

Some years back, she took the daughter of a friend under her wing. Seven or so at the time, N and J got on very well, enjoyed each others' company and developed something of a parent/child relationship. The two went to Switzerland a couple of times together, and in time a living situation developed that had N at J's house during the week and home with her mother and baby sister some weekends.

About two years ago, another friend gave birth to twins, her fifth and sixth children. Lost in the shuffle of a struggling life was her six-year-old, a sweet little girl I'll call ND. Over the course of routine friendly visits, ND gravitated toward J, and J welcomed her company. Slowly, the situation broadened into very much the same as N's had.

Today, N is 14, ND 8, and both live with J most of the time. They attend the school in her district and she drives them to swimming lessons in town twice a week, takes them to the doctor when they need it and the dentist on a regular basis. She helps them with their homework and encourages them to study hard and work to make a future for themselves more promising than that available to their mothers. Weekend agendas are mutually agreed, with the girls having the greatest say in what happens where with whom.

(As an aside, in the way of families in Seychelles, N and ND are related in a complicated, roundabout way and consider themselves cousins, but treat each other like sisters. Their mothers are also close.)

The situation works for all. J can leave the girls with their moms and take off for a couple of months in Switzerland when she needs to, the moms have one less mouth to feed and one less child to worry about 24/7, and the girls have a lifestyle and opportunities they never could have dreamed of.

Although she loves the girls fiercely, J has no desire to adopt them and is happy to share the girls' time, and the girls are equally dedicated to her, but also closely tied to their mothers and siblings.

Another friend has recently begun to suggest that possibly J might consider adding her six-year-old to her weekday household, and J is giving it serious thought. Nothing will happen quickly or suddenly, and if a slow absorbing of this little girl into her unconventional family happens, that will be fine with her.

How these kids would have fared had J not stepped in when she did and offered what she offered can't be known, but it's safe to say that these girls' lives are better for her involvement. It has not been all smooth sailing, and there have been many times when feelings were hurt and misunderstandings ruled the day. Maintaining all the relationships often takes tremendous effort and there have been occasions where one of the girls has been angrily "called home", causing all sorts of logistical and emotional nightmares. Cultural differences also come into play, as well as the usual kid stuff that gets pulled when it looks like it might be of some benefit to someone.

All in all, though, it works for the people it needs to work for.

Photo Credit: Seychelles style means relaxed. SamAnchor©2007SHBenoiton