Okay. It's official. I have now been living outside the realm of the real world for long enough to be completely out of the loop when it comes to stuff.

I've worried about this for years, dreading the day when I take a trip home to the US and find myself standing around shopping malls and private homes endlessly repeating some version of, "Golly, gee whiz ... willya looky that hoozit! What that heck does it DO?"

Well, I don't have to wait for the crunch of American soil under my flip-flops to feel like a totally clueless dork. I just have to look around on the internet at items available for purchase by parents in the rest of the world.

Available, I say? More like vitally necessary, it appears.

For example, I'm suffering guilt pangs realizing that my kids don't have this ... poor, deprived little darlings:

How many digital audio players or portable media players are there in today’s market that cater specifically to young children and pre-schoolers? Practically none when you take a closer look at all the offerings. Playskool, a company that will definitely ring a bell with generations of kids as well as some grown-ups, has finally decided to take the plunge by entering the MP3 player market for toddlers and babies.

This item, pictured here, retails for between $40 and $80, and how can that be considered anything but a screaming deal?

Unless, of course, you're the type that's artsy-craftsy enough ... Martha Stewart, watch your back! ... to put a sock puppet over an iPod and call it cuddly ...

I'm feeling almost abusive for not investing the $16 bucks it would have taken for me to own a -- a wipes warmer that would have kept Cj's bum from suffering the shocking chill of an unwarmed wipe. How could I be so negligent?

Continued ...