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There’s a discussion going on now over on the Adoption.Com forum about SAHMs and WOHMs that’s had me reading, thinking and comparing.
First, since I am an older mom and all that, this ‘age of the acronym’ fascinates me. Kids can now think in this new-fangled shorthand, but I still have to isolate each word until I’ve absorbed the essence. (Personally, for the topic of moms and what we do, I’m leaning toward WOBONMW (woe-bo-nimwah): Work Our Buns Off No Matter What.)
It’s nice to read that many women are happy with the situation they have, whichever permutation of the home/work combo they have:
“I always thought I wanted to be a SAHM. But to tell you the truth, I am not cut out for that.”
” I am a teacher so I have great working hours and time off during holidays and summer. I applaud SAHM’s, but it is just not for me.”
“I have been a SAHM for 10 years now and LOVE it.”
“I liked my time at home during maternity leave, but I don’t know if I could do it full time. ”
” For me working part time is the best of both worlds. I get my adult time and still plenty of kid time!”
“I feel very blessed to enjoy teaching and have my weekends and summers off.”
“I am a working mom. I work 4 days a week with a break on Wed. It is actually nice. I couldn’t be a SAHM. I don’t have the patience. ”
There is a general consensus on the stresses we all have, no matter what:
“I am a SAHM. I love it, but there are days that are tough.
“I am a SAHM and it’s HARDER than I ever imagined.”
“I admire you working out of home or even in home Moms. I couldn’t do it, just as some of you say you couldn’t stay home.”
” I can honestly say both stay at home and working Mom’s have tough jobs. I learned over the years you have to do what is right for you.”
I love the following:
“I don’t think I could be a SAHM, though – I know my husband would expect me to accomplish housework in addition to looking after the baby nonstop.”
Ain’t that the truth!
I get the “you just sit around and eat bon-bons all day” look occasionally from my DH, usually when he’s had an extra-awful day at work and comes home expecting to relax and be doted upon, but instead finds me at my wits end expecting him to juggle the kids for a while so I can do something really luxurious … like have that shower I’ve not been able to find a spare five minutes for during the day.
And I LOVED this post that sums up for many the difference between the fantasy and the reality of SAHMing:
I’ve been both and am currently a SAHM. When I was working I would imagine how beautiful life would be if I could stay home and care for my family. Now in “Year 2″ of staying at home I see how I really romanticized being a SAHM.
1. I would have time to do all the things I always wanted to do (learn a new language, play guitar, travel, sew, gardening, etc.)
I am not sure where my time goes, but I do know since I don’t work I have little money. So, no classes at the community college. Had a yard sale and bought some flowers, so I am gardening right?
2. I would be able to take the kids to museums, trips, camps, etc.
See above (lack of $). I do my best but sometimes even gas money is tight.
3. I wouldn’t have to do all my housework at 10 at night while exhausted after everyone else has gone to bed.
Trying to clean the house while kids and husband are awake is like shoveling snow in a snowstorm.
4. Weekends would be free because everything else would be taken care of during the week.
No explanation…just laughter! I REALLY believed that one!
Of course, often which acronym ends up describing a life has nothing to do with simply making a decision:
“You know, sometimes SAHM isn’t a choice either (when you wouldn’t earn enough anyway to make up for the crazy cost of daycare, or would just bring home maybe $100 a week after that). I’m sure lots of SAHM wish they could work and bring some money.”
“A while ago, on Dateline or 60 minutes, there was a segment on working moms and were the families better off. Some werent’. A friend of mine works and was bringing home only $50 extra a month after daycare and every thing else was factored in.”
“I will be a working mom when my daughter comes home. Really no choice in the matter — I am single. Well, I guess I could start playing the lottery and that might give me a choice. I think each family needs to find their own groove. What works for some is a disaster for others.”
When it comes down to it, most moms on the forum agree:
“It really can be a grass is greener conundrum; sometimes SAHM’s wanna get away and sometimes WOHM’s wanna be home.”
“We all do what we have to do to make it … ”
Then there’s the reminder for those of us who’ve spent years in the corporate world and now don’t:
” I remember the days of having to be up by 5am just to babysit some corporate executive and up at night because they figured out after dinner (and many drinks) that they dont know what they are supposed tobe doing for the meeting – lol !! no thank you, I’d take 10 kids at home over that.”
And I can’t think of a nicer way to end this post than the following quote from a mom:
“Hat’s off to ALL moms regardless of who we are, and what we do. Personally, I think being mom is the most rewarding, yet toughest job in the world.”
Amen!
The wisdom to be found on the forums is amazing.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Ain’t that the truth, sister.