Over 40 Adoption, Older Parent Adoption - Should I or shouldn't I?... (of course I will)

12/09/06

Should I or shouldn't I?... (of course I will)

Posted by : Michelle Vandepas in Older Parent Adoption Blog at 01:00 pm , 360 words, 86 views
Categories: Adopting in your 40s and Beyond

Someone help me!

I’m getting cold feet.

How do you know if it is time to adopt again? I really thought our family was done with one.

Then I really thought our family needed two.

Now I wonder if one is right for us.

Now the home study supervisor comes on Wednesday and I want to back out of the whole deal.

“Look” I’ll tell her, “I thought this was the right thing, but K is just so perfect and we are so happy I don’t think I need more joy in my life right now”.

I just go back and forth and back and forth.

I’m not sure I’d feel the same if I was pregnant.. Would I? I’m sure some of you out there must have had second thoughts about adding more children to your life.

Haven't you?

SPONSOR

Some of this has to do with being older – I know that.

Some of it has to do with Hubby being on board only about 75%...He has gone through all the work to get licensed, but I think mostly for me.

Maybe his hesitation is rubbing off?

Yes he loves being a Dad and yes he is in his fifties.

He wants to retire someday!

Is there a magic pill you take so that in your dreams all the answers of life come pounding down upon you and when you wake up your wiser about everything?

I need that pill now please.

~~~~~~~~~~

I think my feelings of ambivalence are coming from thinking of diapers and potty training and living through year two again.

It comes from writing about adopting an older child.

I loved every minute of it. But K gets easier by the day.

She’s such a joy.

....What if we get a hard baby?

....What if we get a fussy baby (again)

....What if we get a terrible two.

Oh how I want answers!

Magic Pill Please!

~~~~~~~~

I think I’m just having pre-adopt jitters. Sort of like pre-wedding jitters which I never had.

Is there such a thing?

~~~~~~~~~~

Ok. I'm calmer now.

But I'll still take that Magic Pill please

8 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: Heather [Member]

Michelle -

We are waiting for a match for our third baby and I can tell you there was a time right after we started the whole process again that I was like "What are we doing?" and "Can I back out?". I talked with my husband about it and quickly came to the conclusion that of course I want to do it again. There is nothing that makes us happier than our children.

I also went through the whole do we really want sleepless nights, diapers, hard to just run out and do errands, etc and the fact of the matter is that that is such a short amount of time (the baby stages). Our first child was so perfect (talk about not wanting to "rock the boat") and how I look at our second and I can't imagine life or our family without him. Your feelings are natural.

Now I am just itching to get another baby home...

Permalink 12/09/06 @ 18:37

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/

Sorry to say - there IS no magic pill. I think some jitters are normal no matter how a child comes to you. However, it is different I imagine if you are pregnant. I can't say - I only know having babies - not adopting them!

Permalink 12/09/06 @ 18:42

Comment from: MommyLis2001 [Member]

· http://www.stretchmarkmama.com

The one thing that has been consistent about my pregnancies and adoption is that I asked myself, usually quite often, but most especially as time drew closer:

WHAT IN THE HONKY TONK WERE WE THINKING????!?!??!!?!?!? THIS IS INSANE!!!!!!

But then eventually comes the "I can't believe we almost missed this" kind of moments, after the child is home.

Permalink 12/09/06 @ 21:05

Comment from: Sandra Hanks Benoiton [Member]

· http://international.adoptionblogs.com/

My hesitation ... if you could call it that ... with Cj was the feeling that we were so amazingly lucky to get Sam that I doubted I deserved that a second time.

One way I was able to shrug the feeling off was knowing a sibling would be right for HIM. For one thing, he was in serious danger of becoming the world's most obnoxiously precious boy...spoiled rotten...but there's more to sibs than spreading the attention and learning to share the limelight. Especially because I'm older, it's important to me that my kids have each other.

A year and a half down the road, there's no doubt that a second child was a VERY good idea, for all of us.

Permalink 12/09/06 @ 22:01

Comment from: Michelle Vandepas [Member]

· http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/

You guys are all so funny. Thanks for the encouragement!

Honky Tonk thinking? Yea, that's where I'm at.. or was, or maybe am..

Caseworker is still coming. I guess we are on track!

Permalink 12/09/06 @ 22:15

Comment from: Nancy Spoolstra [Member]

· http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/

I've had a blog itching to come out that addresses this... so stay tuned, you prompted me to get it done ASAP!

Permalink 12/10/06 @ 12:00

Comment from: Dr. G [Member]

· http://adoptive-parenting.adoptionblogs.com/

oh Michelle, i'm sorry i missed this post when it was hot off the press. trying to make a good decision about anything in life is so doggone frustrating on the front end. most so-called good decisions, or wise decisions or any kind of positive decision are only that AFTER the fact. the exact same decision can be a disaster, but you don't know until AFTER the fact. that was what made my husband say not only "no" but "hell, no!" to adopting another child (that would have made three). his take on it was that things were fine just as they were (stress and all) and he had absolutely no interest in rolling the dice one more time. sigh. bummer.

we'll never know if we missed out on four times the love, hugs, kisses, etc., or if we avoided a disaster that could have blown our entire family apart. zheez. scary isn't it?

Permalink 12/12/06 @ 20:30

Comment from: Michelle Vandepas [Member]

· http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/

Thanks Dr. G.....We start the homestudy tonight....

Permalink 12/13/06 @ 07:04

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