Still away ... so enjoy the reruns!

For anyone just stepping into the shallow end of the adoption pool, here's a post with some pointers from back in February regarding web groups:

There are a couple of things most people learn after enthusiastically joining every Web group, listserve and forum they come across while searching for information in the early stages of the adoption process: they can be addictive, and not everyone is nice.

Group definitions can be broad or intricately specific, so while grazing for pertinent info much crops up.

Starting with adoption as the defining term for a group, recommendations and links soon weave a path as complex as a freeway interchange in Tokyo. It can go something like this:

Adoption- getting the hang of the idea, the terms, etc.

About you – you’re older or younger, or Jewish, or Swedish, or an adoptee yourself, or your spouse is resistant or of a different race, or on and on and on, and these groups are made up of people in your shoes, or a similar size.

International or Domestic – info to aid in deciding which way to go

Country/ Countries of interest – decided on international and now need to learn options, so you sign up for three, four or five country-specific groups to learn about programs.

Independent or Agency? - those who’ve done it one or both ways.

Agencies – going this way, there are groups just for their people where families share info and experiences.

Infant or Older Child - discussing pros and cons you weigh carefully.

Boy or Girl – discussions can be quite heated, but you need the input.

Picked a country - dozens of groups, and you want to learn all you can about the far away land your child is coming from.

Your child’s orphanage – adoptive families with kids from there or in the process and news from the home.

And this is before your dossier is together. It’s not long before you find yourself racing to the computer, then spending the better part of your day lurking on lists, taking frantic notes and joining two or more lists per day that sound too interesting to ignore.

Once comfortable, you may begin to post questions, eventually even answering some from a new batch of newbies and putting forth some thoughts and opinions.

Proceed with caution.

Flames burn. Many have turned away from groups completely after posting what seemed innocent observations, but led to them being scolded, lectured, spurned or, God forbid, moderated. This can easily happen when thoughts inspire the wrath of some members. People who may be sweet and forgiving in person can take a completely different form in a forum, morphing into a nasty version of CyberCrusader, insisting on one viewpoint and attacking viciously, spitefully posting with a vengeance from the comfort of their keyboard.

Trying to argue a point is virtually useless (pun intended), as no rules of fairness apply, nor is there any requirement that people be truthful. Rumor and innuendo can be presented as fact, conjecture is dandy, and as the fur begins to fly it can get wild.

There’s so much information, most of it valuable. Just remember: Be careful out there.