Sorry if the photo scares anyone. Believe me, I wouldn't be posting anything so hideous unless it was a necessary visual aid.

Was it ever explained to anyone you know that one obvious consequence of aging is asymmetry? I know I never heard this one.

Sure, gray hair, crows feet stamped around eyes, spreading butt, sagging knees, arm wattle, receding gums, splaying feet, creaks, moans, cracks, snaps, groans, blah, blah, blah ... but looking like two distantly related people stuck together at my meridian? That I didn't expect.

It's like gravity has a greater force on the left of me than the right, and everything that could go downer -- and downer faster -- has done so on that side.

My left boob now rests, once the restraints have been removed and the subsequent jelly-jiggles have finished their settling, to the south of my right ... an imbalance so significant that I should, by rights, be falling over more often than I do.

Okay ... I'm right handed, so I use the muscles on that side more often, therefore my right breast could be that tad more perky the the one on my more indolent half. That makes sense.

But does the handedness thing carry to the face?

I've recently reconnected with my best friend from high school. We've been out of touch for thirty-seven years or so, and thanks to the wonders of the Internet, and some lucky connections, I was recently able to track her down.

Emailing back and forth has been an amazing process and we're just beginning to scratch the surface of our mutual stories.

Today, she asked me for a full face photo. I'm not keen on pictures of myself, but what the heck! My digital lets me snap away without having to call in anyone else, so I pulled it out and shot myself a few times.

Hmmmm.

In every picture, my left eyebrow is markedly lower than my right. In fact, that whole side of my face sags; my cheek isn't as firm, that corner of my mouth droops, the divot alongside my lip is deeper.

What's up with thatl? Is my boob exerting force enough to pull everything on my left, from the top of my head to my big toe, groundward? Is the right half of me living in a slightly different dimension, so ageing at a slower rate? Have I always been wonky, and just didn't notice because sag wasn't an issue?

I can take getting old ... I can even take looking old ... but it would sure be nice to do it all over all at the same time!